I'm sitting at a highschool party that Shane has brought me to and I all I can think about Is.... Old stuff, like SH. Sitting alone, I wasn't going to come, I shouldn't have come. I guess I had some stupid fantasy that people would possibly acknowledge me, see that I have changed, fuck even a smile instead of a glare would be nice.
Everyone is catching up and hanging out in their old groups, I've said hi to a few people, which was met with a 'hi', no eye contact and quickly walking off or no response at all. Hence giving up and sitting alone, exactly like highschool. Some things never change.
I feel small, insignificant, inhuman.... Everything I felt in highschool all over again. I don't even feel like me, who I am today, I feel like the highschool emo, with loads of problems who sees the counselor every day, writes suicide notes, has scars up her up and carries a blade on her all the time.
I haven't wanted to in a long time, but bring around these people and feeling this excluded makes me want to.
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